So you here about that der earthquake?

Tuesday, August 23, 2011 3:27 PM By Simon

Of course you did.

Here in the old armpit, we got a bit of the aftershock. Of course, it lasted for two minutes, nothing fell over, and my sister said she didn't feel anything, so I spent the succeeding half hour googling symptoms of schizophrenia.

My, how the local news was in a tizzy. Have a nice day.

Why Crazy, Stupid, Love is a 500 Days of Summer prequel in Witness Protection

2:54 PM By Simon

Crazy, Stupid, Love. Comedy. Romance. Chronic absentee from middle school English. Oh, yes. I went there.

Ahem.

In case you don't know, C,S,L (see what happens? SEE!?) is about Steve Carell, a hapless, loveable old schlub whose wife, Julianne Moore, leaves him for being a boner-killer (or whatever). After several nights depressing the patrons of one of those high-end singles bars I like to think homeless girls can reliably go to for free drinks, he is recruited by Ryan Gosling, a douchebag, to also be a douchebag. But then Ryan Gosling meets Emma Stone, a soon-to-be lawyer with a badass friend, Liza Lapira, and likes her or whatever. And then something about Carell and Moore's kid being in love with his babysitter. And everyone hates Kevin Bacon. The end.

But let's look at said babysitter-loving son. His name is Robbie, and he's played by Jonah Bobo (quiet, you in the back). Here's a kid who, hardcore and with no irony, believes in true love. Quite.

Now, if you'll recall, 500 Days of Summer is a movie. What's more, it's a romantic comedy about a dude who believes in true love, and hooks up with a chick who doesn't. This dude's played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who, as I chronicled, has been playing this same dude his entire career. But let's, for a minute, pretend that my brilliant theory is *l'horreur* not enitrely accurate.

Because this Robbie kid is one mid-afternoon viewing of the Graduate away from being Tom Hanson. And, hell, maybe that was just a deleted scene.

Who knows? Maybe he changed his name to distance himself from a Noodle Incident. Maybe he witnessed the group murder of Kevin Bacon, because fuck that guy. Maybe his parents miraculously birthed a precocious little shit who looks like Chloe Moretz. You don't know.

I'm back again, again

2:51 PM By Simon

Babies. It's okay. I'm here. Shhhhh...

Alas, I'm off again

Sunday, August 14, 2011 3:14 PM By Simon

Because we must shove a couple years' worth of vacations into one month. It's the family way, yo.

Enjoy life for a week.

Guess who's back?

Thursday, August 11, 2011 4:55 PM By Simon

Me. Deal with it.

What have I seen with these eyes? Rise of the Planet of the Apes and Stupid, Crazy, Love, which is collectively an English teacher's nightmare (as half-explained by good ol' Vince).

Well, my life's been fine. Thanks for asking.

Carry on.

Guess who

4:55 PM By Simon