Thoughts on Red

Saturday, October 16, 2010 4:42 PM By Simon

-Oh. My. God. Old people being awesome and young people trying to get their heads out of their asses, and failing miserably. Red, where have you been all my life?

-Not just any old people, either. The best old people. Ernest Borgnine, for two deliriously awesome scenes. Helen Mirren, classing up the joint. Morgan Freeman, putting on a bad French accent for a bit, but who cares, he's Morgan Freeman. John Malkovich, who's always best when he's being weird. Bruce Willis, I mean, meh, but I can deal with it. Richard Dreyfuss, not playing the vice president for some reason.

-And, yeah, Mary-Louise Parker, being all quirky and oh-me-lawd-I-can't-find-a-man-even-though-I'm-all-Mary-Louise-Parker-y. And Karl Urban. But, since I hate his face and his I'm-serious-because-my-eyebrows-are-scrunched-and-my-voice-is-gravelly-look bullshit, we'll forget he's there.

-This isn't aiming for the Oscars, as cliche as that is. It aspires to be nothing but a call to arms. This is no time to fuck around, senior citizens of the world. Get off your asses and start shooting people, because dammit, we young people got no manners and we use curse words!

-Lovely popcorn flick. in fact, I actually bought popcorn. Lucky!


SugaryCynic said...

:O I neeeeeed it!! Also Mermaid Man? For reals? :D (also, Karl Urban gets a free pass for life from me for being Bones in the Star Trek movie)

October 16, 2010 at 8:57 PM
Franz Patrick said...

I like old people kicking butt. I wish Betty White was in this.

October 16, 2010 at 9:28 PM
Robert said...

Yeaaaaa! Mary-Louise Parker and Helen Mirren and a bunch of other awesome people! I'm so glad this is good, now I will def see it.

October 17, 2010 at 7:29 AM
Luke said...

"Thoughts" columns of yours, Simon, never cease to make me laugh out loud. Hooray for old people with issues.

October 17, 2010 at 9:47 AM
Colin Biggs said...

Don't forget the immortal Brian Cox.

October 17, 2010 at 11:58 AM
Simon said...

Sugary: Mermaid Man forever, yo!

Franz: Oh, everyone leave Betty White alone. She can only be the funny old lady in movies starring young people, to make the juxtaposition more obvious. Or something/

Robert: Hazzah!

Luke: Oh, stop...

Fitz: I didn't. His fake Russian accent just bugged me. But otherwise, hells yeah.

October 17, 2010 at 6:03 PM
Red said...

Great to see you liked it. Can't wait to watch it this week. Would have watched it this weekend, but I was rather busy. Silly U.S. Army.

October 17, 2010 at 7:55 PM
Anonymous said...

Doesn't make her any less awesome.

October 17, 2010 at 8:32 PM
Peter Eramo said...

sounds like a lot of fun! Looking forward to seeing it....Malkovich is always worth the ticket, especially in this kind of stuff.

October 19, 2010 at 12:04 PM
Nick Prigge said...

Wasn't going to see it. Upon reading this, going to see it.

October 20, 2010 at 1:45 PM
Anonymous said...

Love that you put Mirren's character poster here as she was the major highlight... oh and for me, Karl Urban is great eye candy. Yes, pure popcorn FUN and then some.

October 21, 2010 at 2:46 PM
DEZMOND said...

oh, how can you have something against Karl Urban? If you ask me he's the best actor out there :))) And also the most charismatic one ;)

October 31, 2010 at 10:27 AM