Thoughts on Machete

Monday, September 6, 2010 4:34 AM By Simon

-This is beyond criticism, okay? Something that so heavily relies of the Rule of Cool, it'd be ridiculous to entrap it in anything approaching pretension.

-The interwebs is positively abuzz with the news that Lindsay Lohan goes all topless and junk. But, see, this scene (in which she and her mother make out with Machete in a pool, because he's kind of a pimp), it is obviously a body double. Different hair, different face (for the brief second said double faces the camera a bit). There's a scene soon after where she really is naked, but covered with her own hair. So everyone calm down.

-Kill Bill reference! Kill Bill reference!

-Michelle Rodriguez is badass. And, sure, her survival is spoiled by the trailer and, fuck, the opening credits, but still. It's pretty triumphant.

-Danny Trejo should star in more things. Seriously, who gave Ryan Reynolds permission to be the next action hero?

-Goddammit, Jessica Alba.

-I was promised awesome fake trailers starring Tim Roth as Ringo Orange. I did not get them. You can understand.

-SEQUELS!

-...

-Don't you just get lost in Jeff Fahey's eyes?

12 comments:

D Swizzle said...

I can't believe you didn't mention the canyon that is Danny Trejo's face when that was ALL YOU COULD SPEAK OF this morning. For shame.

September 6, 2010 at 6:40 AM
Simon said...

Danielle, how could I possibly go on all morning if you've been asleep?

September 6, 2010 at 6:45 AM
Alex said...

I will just say "YEAH!" to each statement here.

September 6, 2010 at 9:09 AM
SugaryCynic said...

Still haven't seen it (SHAME)

September 6, 2010 at 10:20 AM
GoodOldParanoia said...

One thing: Goddammit, Jessica Alba! I haven't seen it yet so this post was sort of a spoiler but it's ok, I was the one who decided to read it anyways so stupidstupid Alina...

September 6, 2010 at 3:53 PM
Darren said...

God, I want to see that movie.

And his eyes are so blue, even when he's a racist political figure...

September 7, 2010 at 12:40 AM
James D. said...

I plan to make it my first theater experience in months tonight.

September 7, 2010 at 7:24 AM
Fitz said...

I would upset if I were promised Tim Roth but received none. Not surprised in the least Jessica Alba was bad in this either.

September 7, 2010 at 10:40 AM
Ross McG said...

Simon, your eye for body doubles is impressive

September 7, 2010 at 1:42 PM
Neil Fulwood said...

I'm fuming that us poor saps in the UK have to wait another freakin' two months before 'Machete' opens!! I'm almost wetting myself with anticipation.

September 7, 2010 at 2:07 PM
Simon said...

Alex: With gusto.

Sugary: Shame indeed.

GoodOldParanoia: Terribly sorry, I should've put a spoiler warning. I wouldn't say Jessica Alba was bad...I mean, this was a part written specifically for bad acting.

Darren: They're ridiculous.

James D: Not a bad choice.

Fitz: Honestly, Lie to Me will not suffice. Let's track down whoever started that malicious rumor and set his mailbox on fire.

Ross: ...thanks...

Neil: Don't do that...

September 7, 2010 at 6:26 PM
Fitz said...

It would be completely justified.

September 8, 2010 at 10:27 AM