Thoughts on No Strings Attached

Sunday, January 30, 2011 9:29 AM By Simon

-Because airbrushed Natalie Portman is no Natalie Portman of mine.

-For once, a movie that must rely on the charms of its female cast. Mindy Kaling, Greta Gerwig, and Olivia Thirlby are wasted, but make the most of it, as second-bananas to Natalie Portman who, as funny as she is here, is too adorable for me to buy as a cynic. I wanted the entire movie to be about them and Guy Branum. And then, of course, there's Lake Bell, neurotic coworker of Ashton Kutcher's. Even Abby Eliot shows up to do a Drew Barrymore impression.

-This movie is fun. I mean, a lot of romantic comedies, are oppressively self-serious, gimmicky, sexist and stupid. This knows it's limitations, a very confused Judd Apatow underling, but it's fun. Enough quirky sidekicks and frolicking about the city at night to make it entirely, utterly pleasant to watch on a plane.

-Here's what confounded me: I forget where exactly they all lived (I'll say LA or San Francisco), but it looked fairly swanky. So, Natalie Portman and Greta Gerwig and Mindy Kaling or Kapling or whatever (fuck, I don't feel like looking it up) and Guy Branum are all doctors sharing a nice, relatively small apartment. This, I buy. BUT, my loves, Ashton Kutcher's pussy-ass TV show assistant lives, with, apparently, one roommate or indeterminate occupation, lives in a motherfucking house, a motherfucking modern, art-deco, hooked-the-fuck-up house. I don't know if his dad (played by Kevin Kline, who my mother laments got so. old.) gives him an allowance or something, but shit.

-The clincher, the big profession of 'If I git you now, I ain't neva lettin' you go!' love, the one in this movie, set the entire theatre off in awwwww-ing hysterics. God. Dammit.


Alex said...

Ahahaha so awesome that you used the NSync album cover here.

I have avoided this movie because I'm depressed to see so many awesome lady actors saddled with Ashton Kutcher. But good to hear it didn't completely suck!

January 30, 2011 at 1:01 PM
SugaryCynic said...

Kevin Kline's in it too? UUUGGGHH, I know I won't like this movie but there are so many good actor-peoples in it. Why couldn't they just gotten cardboard cut-out of Ashton Kutcher? Would have had so much more acting talent.

January 30, 2011 at 6:42 PM
Colin Biggs said...

Poor Portman, I hope the trailers came out after the Oscar ballots went out.

January 30, 2011 at 10:07 PM
"Yojimbo_5" said...

Review tomorrow, but you already stole a couple of my lines...must go punch up...:P

January 31, 2011 at 4:23 PM
Nick Prigge said...

"Olivia Thirlby (is) wasted" is a phrase I come across often that I'm getting tired of reading. Filmmakers, unite to stop wasting Oilivia Thirlby!

February 1, 2011 at 6:53 AM
Luke said...

I was so tormented by the trailer, with its presence of Mindy Kaling... And then that pesky Kutcher fellow invaded the screens... And it's probably my biggest movie pet peeve ever when people in romantic comedies constantly have fabulous jobs and apartments. Get real.

February 1, 2011 at 7:17 AM
Anonymous said...

I was SO CONFUSED why the NSYNC was on here. I kept thinking, "Natalie Portman was in a movie with NSYNC?!?!" Thankfully, I read further on and I almost feel off my chair.

Anyway! I seem to be the only one who kinda-sorta like Ashton Kutcher. I mean, the guy is... charming. I mean, he used to be a model. Not a supermodel but model nonetheless. I have a bit of respect.

Anyway, I'm sortaaa interested in seeing the movie. Maybe I can blackmail (or sweet talk, I'm good at both) one of my friends into paying for my ticket.

February 1, 2011 at 10:07 PM
Simon said...

Alex: Fear not, only Portman sullies herself upon the filth that is Kucther. Though, I must admit, I liked him in That 70's Show. Which had Mila Kunis! Holy shit, more connections to Friends With Benefits!

Sugary: Might as well be...

Sebastian: If you're into bleached tips, I guess and ignored homoeroticism, I suppose. I like him post-band, though.

Fitz: I doubt the Oscars will care. They're saving their snobbery for Andrew Garfield's The-Man-Who-Would-Shoot-Webs vibe. Poor, poor boy...

Yojimbo: Sorry.

Nicholas: It's more like she's saving her money to make one epically epic vehicle that will blow our young minds. Probably.

Luke: Well, doctor isn't a terribly fabulous job. It's the fact that Ashton Kucther's job is to get people coffee while living in that house that pisses me so. Goddamn you, romantic comedies.

Franz: To me he'll always be Kelso, but that doesn't mean I can't hate all post-TV shenanigans of his. Try to make that friend a girl. Apparently, we love this shit.

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