The Garden State Menace

Sunday, April 24, 2011 11:45 AM By Simon

Look. Look into that face. That beaming, happy-go-lucky face. That is the face of evil.

That face belongs to Natalie Portman. She is playing Sam. Sam is a terrible little quirkmonster invented by Zach Braff in the midst of one of his troubled-artist daydreams. She is the Menace. She has made our own generation's whiny brooding types lazy. Instead of putting their obnoxious rich-white-guy angst into cold, hard art, they sit around their parent's basements eating Fritos and anti-deppressents, waiting for Sam to come, change there lives with the Shins, and send them on their merry way, booboos kissed and iPods full.

Beware of Sam. She doesn't exist. In fact, no girl of her ilk does. Because most people have better things to do then pull you out of your post-graduate funk.

Fucking Garden State.


Alex said...

More like the PHANTOM Menace amiright?


PS. You are correct.

April 24, 2011 at 4:41 PM
Franz Patrick said...

Oh, god. My dorm common room played this movie 50000000 times. I swear, every time I walked downstairs, this movie was playing...

April 24, 2011 at 4:47 PM
Matt-suzaka said...

At least she doesn't have a pixie hairdo.

Garden State = *fart noise*

April 24, 2011 at 8:08 PM
SugaryCynic said...

Manic. Pixie. Dreamgirl. The trope that makes me shake my head in sadness.

April 25, 2011 at 8:40 AM
Fitz said...

I liked the film. I really did.

If people are going to knock college cult films how about starting with the Boondock Fucking Saints.

April 26, 2011 at 1:07 AM
Tor Hershman said...

Moi's 'stash doth sense the freedom.

April 26, 2011 at 3:02 AM
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April 26, 2011 at 1:34 PM
Film Conqueror said...

be that as it may...i love this movie.

April 26, 2011 at 7:30 PM
Simon said...

Alex: Egads. She's a phantom? HOLY SHIT SHE'S A GHOST. I must rewatch this movie. I'm gonna crack this code.

Franz: Did you give them the business for such bad decision-making?

Matt: Yes.

Sugary: We should rebel against it by being as horrible to whiny emo hipsters at possible.

Alexa: Okay.

Yojimbo: *sigh, because I'm a follower*

Fitz: The Boondock fucking Saints can die a death like that one death that one time. Fuck those guys.

Tor: Um.

Film Conquerer: I'm sorry.

April 28, 2011 at 9:42 PM
Franz Patrick said...

No, ma'am, I did not! My conscience is squeaky clean.

April 29, 2011 at 4:59 PM
Fitz said...

Someone else who doesn't like the Boondock Saints. I feel much better Simon.

May 1, 2011 at 7:20 PM
Vancetastic said...

First off, I think Garden State is one of those movies that starts to stink as time goes by, but sits well enough when you first watch it. I wonder if part of the reason it stinks is because Zach Braff has become such an egomaniacal idiot, and we all hate ourselves for ever having contributed to that. The movie is oozing with artifice, but you are not a bad person if you liked it. I'm a big believer in not letting backlash spoil something you legitimately liked. Now, not liking something as much upon further reflection ... that's legit.

Secondly, Boondock Saints is currently among the bottom five movies I have ever seen.

May 3, 2011 at 1:17 PM
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