Dear Sugary Cynic

Friday, May 27, 2011 11:08 PM By Simon


Your site won't let me comment. As you well know, I am an unrivaled genius in the field of witty blog comments. So I leave my latest masterwork here, in response to this new post in which you announce you're leaving me for fucking ever. And also blogging. But me first. I'm more important.

You're leaving me!? With THESE PEOPLE? Dear god, sir, have you no decency?

I trust that any new site of yours, I will be the first person contacted for amazeballs contributions. On account of how awesome I am. As you'll recall.

The adult world sounds mad depressing.

Because only such a severe case of assholery as mine would possibly think anyone gives two shits.

The picture above is a drawing she did for me after I beasted her quote contest, wherein Scott Pilgrim, Ziggy Stardust, and Conan O'Brian's Thor (Google it) do my math homework. I cherish it the way I reserve only for David Bowie memorabilia and cappuccinos.

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