Thoughts on Dog Soldiers

Tuesday, June 29, 2010 10:01 PM By Simon

(currently, my computer is being a little whore, and it won't let me attach any images, links, or whatnot. If you care for the poster, tough shit, because I can't even copy-and-paste the URL, because my mouse is partially broken. Holy shit, I hate my computer)

-Speaking of which (look at me, acknowledging the parenthesis! I'm such a rebel!), the DVD I got is a baffling, CG-rendered Beast-like things that in no way resemble the gloriously cheesy-yet-awesome costumed werewolves of the film. Not just that, but they have sniper lights fixed on them, even though nobody once uses a sniper rifle in the entire blasted movie. I'll take a picture for you dicks when my fucking computer stops being such a cheap slut.

-Anyway, the movie, about a platoon of British soldiers on what they think is a routine practice mission (or whatever) in the Highlands, when they get attacked by (real) werewolves. Holed up in a cabin that is supposedly four miles (or was it hours?) from the nearest town or house or something--look, I'll be the first to admit that I don't know much jack shit about Scotland, but I do know that nothing is four hours from anything (or was it hours?)--they try to fend of the Moonlighters (yay, stupid puns in relation to a long-cancelled vampire show on CBS featuring Blandly Pretty Guy and Shannyn Sossamon or Wristcutters and Rules of Attraction!).

-The dialogue is relatively funny at times--one guy is, like, obsessed with a game that's supposed to be on at the time, and later, the results of said game(England: 1, Germany: 5, sorry, Joe). Then, near the end, a guy does battle with the werewolves that involves him bitch-slapping the fucker so hard a tooth comes out and lodges itself into a doorpost. The very end is also, as best as I can describe it, very cheeky.

-I love how they cheesed-out on the effects instead of fucking it up with CGI. The blood, guts, and werewolves are handmade, the latter group are eight feet tall.

-In the beginning, when the guy said '30K (or was it 50?) to the [whatever]', did he mean 30 kilometers or 30 thousand? Thousand seems terribly unreasonable, also, it's only ever applied to money, but, fuck me, I hate goddamn metric systems.

-There's a chick, Megan or something, she kind of hangs around, giving information about the werewolves (lycanthropes? Lycanropes? What?) and stoicly taking pictures all up in the face of the werewolves to blind them, but then at the end, she takes a whole new step in badassery. Good for you, lady.

-Seriously, computer, go fuck yourself.


Sam Turner said...

I've watched this a couple of times now (not deliberately, I just find it on my TV every so often) and I do have fun watching it every time. I thought Sean Pertwee was really good and the conversation about whether turning into a Werewolf is like 'taking a shit or having a piss' is classic.

June 30, 2010 at 1:32 AM
Simon said...

Evidentally, it's piss.

June 30, 2010 at 1:39 AM
Dan (Top10Films) said...

It's a fun flick. It doesn't take itself seriously and gleefully steals from every other werewolf and action-horror film that has gone before it. It ain't new, but it is entertaining!

June 30, 2010 at 2:30 AM
D Swizzle said...

we need to see I AM LOVE because not only is tilda swinton lovely, but it looks so...italion. (and, yes, i will be singing that song when you wake up).

we also need to see CITY OF LIFE AND DEATH because it looks like the asain holocaust and you know how i am with holocausts of any kind.

and i likewise require a funny futurama recap because you hyped it up so much and i need RESULTS, lady.

July 1, 2010 at 2:52 AM
Kevin said...

I've always wanted to see this movie because I love how much Neil Marshall wears his influences on his sleeves (and apparently pant legs as well). For how awful it was, I thoroughly enjoyed Doomsday for just that reason.

Oh, and did you say Shannyn Sassoman was in this movie? I don't feel like looking it up, but I have such a crush on her. OK, nevermind... I'll look it up.

July 1, 2010 at 2:22 PM
Kaiderman said...

I love how your anger comes thru in your writing, Rips! haha... Great post. I love this flick. Werewolves are typically boring in films but I loved them in this. Marshall's best film beside the Descent!

July 2, 2010 at 4:59 PM