Shit on my mind (with no links!)

Thursday, February 11, 2010 7:47 AM By Simon , In , , , , ,

The Katherine Heigl-Ashton Kutcher vehicle Killers has a trailer! With the only funny person being Catherine O'Hara! It is not to be mistaken with my beloved Burt Lancaster-Ava Gardner movie of the same name, but with a 'The'!

Penelope Cruz might be latest Lars von Trier victim! Yes, the man who hung Bjork and tortured Nicole Kidman is interested in her starring in his new 'psychological disaster movie'! Can't suck harder than 2012, my friends!

Akira remake! Escape from NY remake! Spider-Man remake (in 3! D!)! Dune remake! What--NO! NOT A NATIONAL LAMPOON'S VACATION REMAKE!!!!! WHY, GOD!?!?!

Penelope Cruz might also be in new Pirates of the Caribbean! Yay Blow reunion!

New The Last Airbender trailer! Why must ever beloved cartoon of my childhood be turned into a movie with Twilight people!?! I kid, of course, this doesn't look very bad! But then, neither did The Happening! Or The Village!

Ryan Gosling replacing Hugh Jackman as "a stuntman by day, getaway driver by night" in Drive!

For some probably stupid reason, there's another Mission: Impossible movie! They couldn't put it to bed after blowing Keri Russell's head up!?!

Emily Browning (aka Violet Baudelaire, aka chick from The Unborn, aka soon-to-be star of much-anticipated-by-me Sucker Punch) to star in Sleeping Beauty! But, wait, Sleeping Beauty isn't a prostitute who specializes in knocking herself out for clients--ooooooohhhhhhhhh...

New Muppets movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The new Saw movie might be the last one! Hazzah, gentle townsfolk! Hazzah!

Matt Damon, Marion Cotillard, Kate Winslet, and Jude Law all join Steven Soderbergh's Contagion! Now, I know people who pump out twenty movies/books a year are normally putrid spawn, I say Steven Soderbergh can pull it off, goddammit! Because he's also making chick-assassin Ewan McGregor/Cate Blanchett/Gina Carano starring Knockout! And a Liberace biopic!

Katherine Heigl to star in One for the Money, based on the popular lady-bounty-hunter Stephanie Plum books my mom's really into! And she watches Grey's Anatomy! I can't wait to tell her the good news!

Dream House to star Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz, with Naomi Watts as a creepy neighbor!

Draco Malfoy to help Alice Cullen with her ghost trouble in The Apparition!

And finally, Hugh Laurie might be in Oranges, a comedy-drama (NOT FUCKING DRAMEDY!), about "an older man who has an affair with the daughter of a family friend"! If he does, he'll be starring with Mila Kunis (yay!) and Leighton Meester (...)! The script made the 2008 Blacklist (of all the best unproduced screenplays), which, in case you don't see the gravity of this, also included my love Inglorious Basterds!

Today's another snow day! Yay, Global Warming!


tony d said...

the idea of so many remakes is just terrible - even a Mr. and Mrs. Smith reboot? wtf! i have hope that shyamalan will one day return to glory

February 11, 2010 at 1:31 PM