Thoughts on Kings and Queen

Saturday, November 20, 2010 4:37 PM By Simon

-Emmanuelle Devos from a-lot-more-complicated-than-it-had-to-be La Moustache stars as a 35-year-old woman with a young, withdrawn son, who's father is dead under suspicious circumstances, an ex-husband who just got sent to the bin for reasons as yet unexplained to him (Mathieu Amalric), another failing marriage, and a soon-to-be new husband who never has sex with her or something. And her dad is dying of some generally pelvic cancer. In French.

-The characters who you think are twisted turn out to be relatively normal, the ones who think to be put together are actually really off their shit, there's lots of crying, and old people can either be funny and tough, or dourly near-death. Uneven, terribly shot (I don't care what damn year it is, there's a thing called 'lighting'), often melodramatic. But also funny, earnest, heartbreaking, and weird. By the end, you'll be oddly moved, if a bit depressed. In French.

Thoughts on A Love Song For Bobby Long

4:33 PM By Simon

-People from the South are deeper, because it's hotter there and they only get game show channels and they drink a lot in a variety of different containers, with pickle juice or whatever, so their souls are richer for it. Or something.

-That's what I've learned from this movie. Also, that years of drinking and moping and peanut-butter-and-M&M-spoons will only make you look like Gabriel Macht and Scarlett Johanssen. Something to tell the children.

Harry Potter and the Awesome McAwesome Sauce (Part 1)

Friday, November 19, 2010 4:22 PM By Simon

(or, y'know, whatever you wanna call it)

(warning: obsessive, delirious spoilers from a raging part-time HP fangirl. I say partime because I can never get excited about the movies or books until the day it comes out, in which case I wake up shaking with such anticipation I nearly throw up from all the repressed squealing)

Gah motherfucker gah.

*sigh*

Dobby was happy, guys. HE WAS FUCKING HAPPY! He had his crowning moment of badassery (delightfully delayed so he could unscrew the chandelier), and he had a new friend in Luna, and they all had just made their brave escape (save for a few disturbing moments of Bellatrix-on-Hermione torture I didn't need to see), and THE BITCH KILLS HIM!

Oh, Dobby. He never even got to see what pants felt like.

And GAH! Why Mad-Eye, JK Rowling? He hardly got to be awesome for ten minutes, and you knock him off!

Bill got to be all noble with Fleur while she was in Harry form ("Bill, don't look at me. I'm hideous."), Hedwig dies (along with, I presume, her Angry Inch) (also, sob), the people I was with in the theatre were dicks and wouldn't stop screaming at everything, Dumbledore dies again, Number 11-12 is mysterious, hardly any Remus, Tonks has a normal hair color (les horreurs!), and some bullshit about a sword that I'm pretty sure is setup to get the cast naked and in various points of copulation.

A fine movie, friends. Fine, just fine.

So, yeah, I'm taking biology right now...

Thursday, November 18, 2010 4:23 PM By Simon

And maybe I'd pass if we played more videos like this.

Monday, November 15, 2010 3:04 PM By Simon

I do believe I'd be more focused on the lemurs than their origins, but if pressed, I guess I could assume Jumanji had something to do with it.

Critically Acclaimed Movies I Don't Get The Appeal Of

1:59 PM By Simon

1) Million Dollar Baby
Every time Hilary Swank looks up at Clint Eastwood with those fucking doe-eyes and calls him Boss, I want to smack the naive spunkiness right out of her.

2) Last of the Mohicans
I mean...seriously, what's the big deal? It has a nice score, yes, but I found it bloated and ridiculous, with no real characterization of the supposed main character (Superactor Daniel Day-Lewis, of course, does nothing wrong, although I also question why everybody made such a fuss about his performance as well), focusing most of its attention on two dead-eyed General's daughters. It's a lovely exploration of the start of America, but man.

3) The Blind Side
You know, guys. You know.

.

1:37 PM By Simon

Thoughts on Murder on the Orient Express

Sunday, November 14, 2010 4:30 PM By Simon

-Agatha Christie's famous Detective Poirot (played here by Albert Finney, with a hammy accent and a mustache that's hardly the greatest in the world) gets caught on the eponymous train on a snowed-in track with the murdered body of a shady retired businessman (Richard Widmark) and 12 potential suspects, who's connection with the man and his past are gradually revealed in one glorious scene.

-Aside from the fact that every non-English nationality is played by a British person, but Ingrid Bergman as a nervous, middle-aged Swedish missionary (she gets five major minutes of uninterrupted scene, and she earns that Oscar nomination), the acting is pretty awesome. Sean Connery, as always, nobly makes no effort to appear British in any way, Lauren Bacall is an extremely talkative, fussy older woman who is also somehow awesome, Anthony Perkins is basically Norman Bates with more nervousness and less personalities, Vanessa Redgrave is a British teacher returning from Baghdad (she and Connery, both relatively small roles, basically embody the atypical hero and heroine that many movies of the time had, and making it almost funny that they are in the background the entire time), and other people I have no patience to list.

-A solid, old-fashioned mystery directed by Sydney Lumet, with a bit of a disappointing, but in hindsight obvious, climax.

Women in Anguish (Thoughts on Vivre sa vie and Persona)

8:24 AM By Simon

Of course, these two films have much in common, literally, anyway. Both portray women in various states of mental deterioration, one of whom is played the muse of a major European art director (Jean-Luc Godard and Ingmar Bergman, respectively). Both feature minimalistic black-and-white sets, monochronistic, limited, sometimes set up like a stage. Music often becomes a factor, both in-universe and omnipresent. One woman, with sexual hangups (prostitution and a rather dicy menage a quatre, again, respectively), will engage in long, philisophical conversations with people they barely know (a real philosopher and a forever-silent actress), and a woman has a strong emotional reaction to a movie or news broadcast early on, before the real turbulence has begun (The Passion of Joan of Arc and the Thích Quảng Đức suicide). I can't really draw any specific parallels between the endings, however, besides acts of extreme violence, which you could call both random, but it wouldn't be true. And they're both extremely experimental.

-Nana (Anna Karina) abandons her husband and infant song to pursue an acting career, but when her job at a record shop refuses to make ends meet, she turns to the more lucrative field of prostitution. During her tenure, she gains the world's most non-0threatening pimp, may or may not falls in love with a student (the way it is shot, silent talking with two sets of subtitles, makes me see it as ambiguous and dream-like, whether it really occured is entirely irrelevent), and, of course, things end in tragedy.

-Meditative and dryly comic in the way Godard often goes about things, the film is seperated into 12 seperate, self-contained episodes, he goes to great lengths to shatter the cinematic experience, outlining in title cards exactly what will happen in the succeeding segment, toying with sound and image at will, no real plot, and even the ending is senseless, with a whole story behind it that would have to be a different film, because we must never leave Nana's perspective.

-I kind of love Godard films, just because, at least in the 20th century, he could assault the ideals and norms of cinema with all the gusto he wanted, and nobody could stop him, because the end results were so delightfully weird, and weirdly delightfuly, and everybody loved them. This is one of those.

-The music of a comedy.

-Bibi Andersson stars as a nurse, Sister Alma, assigned to care for Liv Ullman's Elisabet, an actress who has suddenly and without warning gone catatonic, refusing to speak or move. This later changes to just talking. The two go out to a cottage at the seaside, alone to face their respective anxieties.

-This, too, toys with perception of reality in film, opening with a montage of vaguely disturbing images on a loose strip of film, and at one point in the middle the reel splits and burns, the sound going to high, before landing back at what is presumably a few scenes later, watching Elisabet walking about the kitchen, blurred, before quickly slamming back to normal.

-The fact that the two actresses' faces often overlap, and at the end, compltely intertwine, is terribly obvious from a 21st century perspective, but I suppose it was very novel back in the sixties. To which I say, oh fucking well.

-The music of a horror.

Thoughts on Bubba Ho-Tep

Saturday, November 13, 2010 3:31 PM By Simon

-Sebastian, an old man in a soul-killing retirement home who may or may not be Elvis Presley, contemplates age, frailty, dignity, and death while investigating strange happenings with Jack/John Kennedy (Ossie Davis).

-Surely the greatest movie ever made to star both JFK and Elvis. And that's not a narrow field.

-Bruce Cambell, anyway, creates the best on-screen representation of the man ever. A surprisingly straight, dry character who's come to terms with his fate--never being able to retrieve his identity from the impersonator he signed it over to--and mnildly waits for death with 'a growth on his pecker', and by the end you really hope that he is Elvis.

-After seeing this movie, I'm never carting anyone I know to a retirement home.

Thoughts on Homecoming

3:04 PM By Simon

-A guy Mike (Matt Long) and his girlfriend Elizabeth (Jessica Stroup) drive to his homecoming (whatever the fuck that is) in his hometown, where his ex-girlfriend Shelby (Mischa Barton) waits with baited breath. So basically, it's Fatal Attraction meets Misery with an added mix of stupid.

-We--me and sister watched this because we were both in fowl moods and wanted to laugh at something in all mean spirits. Except we couldn't even laugh at this, it was so fucking bad.

-Mischa Barton, for one, is awful. Just awful. Like, they're supposed to be in Pennsylvania, yet she has on some quasi-Southern accent. Her line reading is so stilted, her emotional reactions so dull/unsubtle...

-Well, yeah, she isn't really aided by the script, and certainly not the other actors. Matt Long and Jessica Stroup turn in dreadfully generic performances, playing dreadfully generic characters. Plot makes no sense, every single character is an idiot, whether by intention or not.

-I know Mischa Barton can be a good actress sometimes. I've seen Assassination of a High School President. Now, here she is, hoking it up with her tepid knowledge of the East and her Annie Wilkes complex. She even has an axe. My, oh my, Stephen Fry.

(who else saw Community?)

-Director: The unfortunately named Morgan J Freeman.

Thoughts on Mystery Train

1:28 PM By Simon

-Three stories converge at a a hotel in Memphis.

-Youki Kudoh and Masatoshi Nagase play a young Japanese couple, the girl obsessed with Elvis. Nicoletta Braschi is an Italian widow stranded in Memphis. Joe Strummer (The Clash!) is an unemployed Englishman in unadvised possession of a gun.

-I love Jim Jarmusch anthologies. He's the only one who can pull them off, never going over four or five storylines, with idiosyncratic casts (Screamin' Jay Hawkins as a hotel clerk, Cinqué Lee as his disheveled bellhop, Joe fucking Strummer) and mellow humor.

-The first story, I don't know if it was supposed to be like that, most of the dialogue unsubtitled Japanese. Since the DVD has no English subtitles, I settled for French, relying on my pathetic knowledge of a few sentences to at least get some context clues. So I only had a vague knowledge of what the fuck was going on. Therefore, I can't comment.

-Every story, as short as they were, felt rather complete. Does not suck.

Thoughts on Spirited Away

Friday, November 12, 2010 5:09 PM By Simon

-If you don't know it by now, son, there's nothing I can do for you.

-This movie. Is the shit.

-It's got everything. Amazing animation of aleady-iconic characters (including what I can only describe as a mini Totoro), a feel-good story that still doesn't pussy around the fact that people are, like, slaves, a six-armed man with a mustache that size of his face.

-Studio Ghibli, aka the studio that keeps us from killing ourselves by proiducing non-stop whimsy and awesomeness and Miyazaki.

Thoughts on Bad Guy

4:58 PM By Simon

-A silent young man (Cho Jae-hyun), insulted by a woman he forcibly kisses in the park (Seo Won), traps her into prostitution, only to become prtective of her. Kim Ki-duk, who can be called the artsiest of all the South Korean art directors.

-Which is, of course, how you must approach this film. As an artwork rather than an actual movie. A blunt look at gangsters and prostitution (I can't speak for the rest of the world, but is it somewhat regular for whorehouses to be lined up like storefronts, with girls just chilling behind glass windows?), with no villain and no hero, as every character is painfully human. From the silent man, a pimp enforcer named Han-gi, whose borderline affection for his cronies goes to the point that, when one of them stabs him, he, bleeding on the beach, tries to bury the knife in the sand. Even the most obviously sympathetic one, the girl Sun-hwa, is undone by her own tendency to steal (not that that's an excuse).

-Some aspects of this were out of nowhere and confusing (the damn bloody picture), and by just reading the synopsis it hardly sounds like a decent movie, but once you get into it, it's actually quite fascinating, if not outright enthralling.

-Or, y'know, whatever.

On Veteran's Day

Thursday, November 11, 2010 3:23 PM By Simon

And I, and American, shall celebrate the only way I know how: watching Clint Eastwood educate motherfuckers in the art of pain.

.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010 7:46 PM By Simon

Which fuck buddy movie will you waste your money on?

Sunday, November 7, 2010 6:35 PM By Simon

No Strings Attached



Pros: Natalie Portman, Greta Gerwig, chick from The Office, gay guy from Chelsea Lately, that hamster joke at the end.

Cons: Ashton Kutcher, reeking of studio romantic comedy, plethora of stupid jokes, presence of wacky best friends, PG-13.

Friends With Benefits



Pros: Mila Kunis, Justin Timberlake (who I prefer doing movies to music), Will Gluck (director of Easy A), Patricia Clarkson, Emma Stone (not in trailer, but Wikipedia wouldn't lie), Woody Harrelson, R-rating, R-rating jokes, therefore funny jokes.

Cons: 'Dude' best friend, Third Eye Blind, modern romantic comedy.

Yes, well. I'm going with the latter.

Thoughts on War, Inc.

Saturday, November 6, 2010 8:45 PM By Simon

-John Cusack writes, produces, and stars as a CIA hitman in a over-there future where war has officially gone private. Hilary Duff is a Central Asian (?) popstar named Yonica Babyyeah, Marisa Tomei a stubborn journalist, Joan Cusack a high-strung assisstant, Dan Aykroyd a Dick Cheney-type Vice President. Other people in other roles I'm sure are important. I don't know. I'm tired.

-This movie aspires to so much, but it just fails. A chaotic thing, can't decide whether it wants to be funny or serious, I'm not sure the writers know the definition of 'satire'...

-Right. Yeah. Mess.

Thoughts on New York, I Love You

8:28 PM By Simon

-An anthology in the vein of Paris, je t'aime. Common denominator? Natalie Portman.

-This is...a cute mess. A bland look at love amongst New Yorkers, mostly in the East and West sides, predominantly white, entirely straight. They vary from standrad romantic comedies (Shunji Iwai's Orlando Bloom and Christina Ricci-starring segment) to slice-of-life 'New York Moments' (Yvan Attal smoking-on-the-sidewalk vignettes) to culture dramas (Mira Nair's Gujarati Irrfan Khan and Hassitic Natalie Portman segment) to baffling fantasy-realist tragic-dramas (Shekhar Kapur's adaption of Anthony Minghella's screenplay, starring Julie Christie, Shia Labeouf's vaguely Slavic accent, Shia Labeouf's pronounced limp, and Shia Labeouf). Some are notable, like a mediation on the aftermath of a one night stand between a younger man (Bradley Cooper) and an older woman (Drea de Matteo).

-There's the token old person tale, this one starring Cloris Leachman and Eli Wallach. There's the actor-to-director one, Natalie Portman's quiet father-daughter short (which I've heard was awful, but really, it's not terribly offensive, offbeat and intriguing, not brilliant, but not terrible), there's a lot of twist endings (Brett Ratner), some transitions (starring Justin Bartha, Emilie Ohana, and Eva Amurri). But really...it's not good. It's not bad, but it's not very good. Pleasent, fluffy, sometimes weird, but washed in this coat of sameness.

-I'm fucking sick of that Radiohead song. Shut it up.

Brief Thoughts on Subjects You Don't Care About: Child Stars

2:59 PM By Simon

Once they hit puberty, it can go three ways: Jodie Foster, Hilary Duff, or Lindsay Lohan.

I know, fairly random people, but it was the top of my head's fault, you see. It has no feet to think on.

They can go the route of Lindsay Lohan: a mess of drugs, arrests, and bad pop music. People are exasperated with the chick, but you know, if she doesn't die or get twenty to life for killing some dude, she'll emerge from this haze in demand for movies wanting notoriety, or at least notability, and reporters wanting...I dunno. The same thing.

They can go the route of Jodie Foster (and maybe future Emma Watson): Go to college, emerge smelling like roses and dignity, do some quality films, collect some Oscars, be awesome.

Or, finally, they can go the route of Hilary Duff: Too clean for scandal, too boring for celebrity, too flat for acting note. It is her career that depresses me the most. See, I was trying to decide whether I should watch a film from the library, or one of my high-piling collection of unwatched, neglected DVDs (thanks a fucking lot, Netflix. You ruin lives), and one of the library ones was War, Inc. At this point, I only remember two bits of the advertisement: Joan Cusack yelling through a video-thing, and Hilary Duff dropping a scorpian down her pants.

It wasn't scandalous. Some media tried to make it so, but the world greeted this faux-transgression with a hurricane-winds 'eh'. Because at that point, only fifty percent of her original audience remembered who she was, and everyone else never cared in the first place. She's been lounging about indie comedy hell for a couple years now, turning out mind numbing titles such as According to Greta and What Goes Up. In all of them, if Wikipedia is truthful (shut up), she plays a Lolita/self-destructive type who's trying to fuck someone for the sake of it. One of these roles is someone trying to break out. Multiple ones is someone who failed the first time, and overcompensating.

And then she did Community. My favorite show. Wherein she didn't have enough screentime to suck. But cred points anyway, because that was an excellent episode (trampolines!). At last count, she was doing a remake of Bonnie and Clyde with Kevin Zegers and Thora Birch, and wrote a young adult novel.

A young adult novel. For fuck's sake.

That is why she depresses me most of all. She's just...boring.

End.

Thoughts on Shadows and Fog (a movie about expressionism)

2:37 PM By Simon

-Yeah, I'm giving reviews subtitles now. Helps me concentrate.

-Kleinman (Woody Allen) is a clerk waken from a 'deep sleep' in the middle of the night by a vigilante mob, looking for a serial killer dubbed 'The Strangler' (although he reportedly also slits throats), who bully/demand him to get dressed and meet them downstairs. He does, but nobody is around, and as the story progresses, nobody tells him what his part in 'the plan' is, so he's left to wander around.

-Anyway. Mia Farrow is a sword swallower named Irmy, whose clown boyfriend (John Malkovich) has just cheated on her with the circus tightrope artist (Madonna, not sucking for once). She's left to wander around the city Kleinman lives, taken in by a brothel (where local student John Cusack gives hr 700 bucks to sleep with him), then brought to the police station during a raid, where she meets Kleinman.

-It's all one big parody of German Expressionist films (particularly Fritz Lang, and M), and Franz Kafka. As my only experience with Allen films thus far have been Celebrity and Husbands and Wives, this is a nice breather from bourgeois couples yelling neurotically at each other.

-And, of course, a lovely cast. Lily Tomlin, Jodie Foster, and Kathy Bates play prostitutes at the brothel Irmy stays at, Julie Kavner is Kleinman's jilted ex-fiancee, Eszter Balint shows up briefly as a starving young mother, Donald Pleasence is a really intense doctor, and Kurtwood Smith is one of the mob. And John C. Reilly is in the background for five seconds as a policeman. Which is weird.

-So, yes. Tis funny and witty and clever and not annoying at all.

Thoughts on Irma Vep (a movie about a movie)

2:09 PM By Simon

-Maggie Cheung plays herself, an actress flown in from Hong Kong to play the lead in a remake of Les Vampires, whom the director (Jean-Pierre Léaud) saw in an action film and was hypnotised by her (some would say 'turned on'). Not speaking a word of French (in-movie), most of the movie takes place in English, a bridge language between the French crew and herself (although she speaks it much better than everyone else).

-An oddly engrossing film on the mechanics of making a film, a criticism of French cinema in general (it's all self-service, no regard for audience, etc), although the lead character adamently defends it, and her director's odd choices, from hostile crew and reporters.

Spoilers ahead

-The end, in which director (Rene, if I haven't said his name yet) has been replaced with a friend director, after a nervous breakdown, and this guy has replaced Maggie with another actress on the film (though it's implied she'll also be fired), as he says he needs someone to represent Paris underground, not "Fu Manchu". The cast and crew sit down to watch what Rene had edited before leaving, and I think it's a lovely statement on the overall misjudgement he was under when he decided to make the film: starting as a silent, shot-for-shot remake of one part of the serial, before morphing into a chaotic mess of scratched film (with his fingernail, it looks like, painting outlines, circles, backgrounds, etc), going in and out of focus with occasional screeching. He was motivated by his enchantment with Cheung, and as production went on, he realized just how unsuited that ideal was for an actual film. So he ended up with what he really wanted: a weird, experimental short film with Maggie as the centerpiece.

-Or whatever. It's quite a good movie. Almost two-thirds in English, for those averse to subtitles.

Thoughts on Thirst

Friday, November 5, 2010 7:22 PM By Simon

-Not the 2009 Park Chan-Wook film. Although it is about vampires. Terrible sorry.

-A woman (Chantal Contouri) is kidnapped by a blood-drinking cult called 'The Brotherhood' (aren't they all?), due to her ancient lineage.

-David Hemmings!

-I won't lie, I watched the first half of this last week in a sudden urge for cheesy 70s horror, and the rest this morning. Any enthrallment I had previously had all but disappeared. I am significantly less interested. You get the idea, yeah?

-Chantal Contouri bugs me.

-This film, dearies, stopped making sense at the thirty minute mark. Not only is Contouri's Kate the biggest idiot the world has ever known (as all horror movie female characters are in their respective universes), the plot becomes a stew of half-hearted escape attempts, drug-induced hallucinations, gratuitous neck-biting, tubes of blood running from neck veins to giant tubs of food coloring that, nonetheless, made me cringe, as all neck related things do. And there's a bit of nudity, if you dig the whole blood-out-of-the-shower-nozzle deal.

-Right. Ozploitation, bitches.

I'm from Jersey, I got this

5:25 PM By Simon

Amber at nostomanic is giving away button-swag, and I, for one, will partake.

Now enjoy this:

Thoughts on Chinese Roulette

11:42 AM By Simon

-Rainer Werner Fassbinder's first international film, a disabled 12-year-old girl conspires against her parents (Margit Carstensen and Alexander Allerson) and their respective lovers (Anna Karina and Ulli Lommel).

-One day, I'll go into detail about exactly why I both hate this movie (for its cold intellectualism) and love it (because it's kind of badass). But I'm tired, and I've got homework, and it's not like anyone will be reading this anyway.

-All I can say: an army of grotesque and terrified dolls will haunt my sleep.

I got a new computer!

Thursday, November 4, 2010 6:55 PM By Simon

Sure, it's noticeably and annoyingly not mine, but fuck that noise, I got shit to do.

And now I can go back to giving you (yeah, you. With the face.) you're semi-daily half-thoughts on movies you've never heard of! And trying to catch up on that NaNoWriMo thing. And doing homework, if I've got the time.

And, yo! When I got this, I found this collection of 50 horror movies for 15 bucks! 15, I tell you! Metropolis (who am I to argue that this isn't a fucking horror movie?) and Nosferatu and Night of the Living Dead! And stuff!

So...how bout The Walking Dead? Halloween? November? That episode of Community I missed because I had to pick up this damned thing? Hilariously inappropriate fedoras?

Thoughts on Bloody Fucking Dubbed Death Note

Wednesday, November 3, 2010 9:17 AM By Simon


-This version of Death Note, in case you didn't hear, was bloody fucking dubbed. But I watched it. Just for you. And to shut my stupid-ass sister up.


-And my, was this dubbing horrible. I mean, at first it was decent, but then people started, like, talking, and it all went downhill. DEATH TO DUBBING!

-Also, the effects sucked royal. Ryuk, our resident Shinigami and noted Awesomesauce (in the fucking manga, at least), is designed like the special effects guys misread the isntructions, thought they were designing him for the tie-in video game, realized their mistake, and fearing the wrath of studio executives, fled to Guatamala, leaving the designs to their fate.


This is him. This is what he looks like.


-I can't even tell if L is awesome anymore! Kenichi Matsuyama plays him, but the voice actor ruins any semblence of Matsuyama's potential goodness. I can't do it.

-ALso, they add a fucking girlfriend. Like, I get why they did it, and it makes sense by the end, but c'mon.

Keep on truckin'

Tuesday, November 2, 2010 9:03 AM By Simon

Happy Halloween/Birthday/Day of the Dead/Thoughts on Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs/Whatever

Monday, November 1, 2010 8:56 AM By Simon

-So, because my computer needs to get its shit together, I'm stuck with my Parent's computer, and as the risks for walk-ins is incredibly high, I'm forced to PG-only movies on Netflix. Honestly.

-Which leaves me: Best voice cast ever. That I can think of. At the top of my head.

-Bill Hader (Most undervalued castmember of admittedly abysmal SNL) plays Flint Lockwood, an inventor (who has a Nikola Tesla poster on his wall!) on an island obscured on maps under the 'A' in 'Atlantic', where everyone is forced to eat sardines after the sardine factory closes down. The horror.

-Anyways, he builds a machine that can turn water into food (hilariously, astoundingly impossible, and even if it were, how would that help, say, Ethiopia? One could argue their lack of food directly stems from their lack of water), but shit goes wrong, it ends up in the clouds, it starts raining cheeseburgers, Anna Faris is a wannabe weathergirl, James Caan is the dad with some bitchin eyebrows, Mr. T is a cop who loves his son, Bobb'e J Thompsan is his son, Bruce Cambell is the glutonous/nefarious mayor, Neil Patrick Harris is a monkey, etc.

-Why, this shit made my day. I was expecting, y'know, silly invisible-but-for-the-speed-of-nine-year-olds gags and whatnot, but this waa actually pretty awesome. I kind of wanted to slap the second half in the face, though.

So, here's how shit goes: Tritram Spencer at Waiting for John was so good as to blitz me with a cameo in one of his (weirder) posts:

(click to embiggen)

I did some motherfucking Trick r Treating, where I wore my normal clothes and asemi-nice coat I got two years ago and called myself a serial-killing hobo, my sister got lots of birthday presents, I got none (if I can't even count on her friends to get me something, who can I count on? Who!?)

And then life took a break so I could fall into a candy coma. Good day, all.

Thoughts on Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle

Saturday, October 30, 2010 7:31 PM By Simon

-Following the life of Dorothy Parker during her time with the Alonquin Circle, a group of writers, actors, and such who met everyday at the same table at the Alonquin Hotel.

-Jennifer Jason Leigh, who is kind of amazing as Parker, getting the voice down and all that.

-Matthew Broderick plays Charles MacArthur, who is a douchebag in this. Gwyneth Paltrow keep showing up as a fictional actress for some reason. Maybe as an excuse to go topless. I don't know. Also, Stephen Baldwin.

-Why is it these biopic movies of awesome people always attract the biggest notable casts? Chaplin, etc. Though it might be because this particular film was directed by Robert Altman.

-I'm afraid I'll be without computer for a few days, starting when this battery goes out, so sorry if this is rather short. And shitty.