Thoughts on Day of the Dead (remake)

Saturday, July 3, 2010 5:31 PM By Simon

-Hm...if ever a movie was worthy of a scene-by-scene recap involving snarky and mean-spirited commentary, it's this. I, however, am not going to (now), because I'm, like, merciful and shit.

-That said, this movie prominently features the trifecta of horror movie victims: Death by Asshole, Death by Tramp Stamp (seriously, the first onscreen victim gets hers ripped right the fuck off), and Death by Angry Black Man (Ving Rhames, duh).

-I do not buy a single person (except Ving Rhames, of course) as military. Nick Cannon is too Nick Cannon-y, Mena Suvari is too look-at-me-I'm-the-politically-incorrect-Smurfette (no joke, she's, like, four feet tall and wears so much mascara I'm surprised his eyelids haven't fallen off), That Kid Who Wikipedia Tells Me Is Going To Be Joining The Cast Of That Green Day Musical, while playing the only likeable character, and, by his own admission, is only in communications or whatever, still looks 14.

-AnnaLynne McCord, curling your lip and shrieking every few minutes does not a Scream Queen make.

-The blood, background zombies, and very well most of the effects are shitty CGI, but at least there's no shaky cam (these days, that must always be taken into account).

-Everyone seems to agree that the zombies freeze and stare blankly ahead right before going batshit, except there are several characters (the video-scientist near the end, for example) that are rambling right until the end. Keep up with your own jacked-up mythology, Mr. Director Steve Miller/Mr. Screenwriter Jeffrey Reddick.

-The DVD cover is kind of awful. Zombie spitting a very obviously fake blast of green liquids and severed body parts (eyeballs, ears, what looks like a spider).

-Fuck You, Jerkass Scientist Who Shows Up Early, Ditches Our Noble Protaganists, Shows Up Later To Explain Why He Sucks And Than Gets Killed Unceremoniously As A Sight Gag.

2 comments:

Darren said...

Yep, somebody jumped on the zombie remake bandwagon after Snyder's (actually better than I expected) Dawn of the Dead remake. I've heard nothing but awful, awful things about this film, though, in fairness.

July 5, 2010 at 12:43 AM
Dan said...

I was going to say 'why do we need all these remakes' but if it inspires such amusing commentary, perhaps they have their place! :)

July 5, 2010 at 8:57 AM