To which I sat in utter amazement

Thursday, October 7, 2010 3:34 PM By Simon

At the sheer audacity of what was being written. How absurd. How pretentious. What fucking gall.

Is it because their dreams are crushed by the weight of all the unpublished literature collecting dust, simply because it wasn't marketable enough? How young, how jaded.

Let us long, instead, for the new Darren Aronofsky movie, or the new Julie Taymor movie, or the new movie movie, or whatever the fuck you fancy.

Let's be pirates or something. Take celebrity yachts and make them dance, dance for our entertainment, before leaving them on a dinky, unharmed but humbled.

Let's maraud the world'd micronations, Hay-on-Wye and Sealand, and create our own. Tha treehouse in your neighbor's backyard? I dub it the Principality of Degrotia, I dub thee Earl of Gray, I dub that kid across the street Grand Duke Stardust the Ziggy, and myself, or course, King and Queen of this proud land, for I shall die neither and old maid nor a bachelor!

I demand of you, good Earl, to fetch me a damn sammich, enter into negotiations to buy the E! network so we may burn all Kardashians. My first official decree? Get a movie industry started. You'll be our first acting export. Or maybe the kid. I haven't decided yet. Either way, you'll have to play Oh Dae-su in a remake of Oldboy.

-Our official language will be invented by me. I will spew out random noises, and any repeated sounds will be added to the official Degrotian-English dictionary. Let's practice.

Blchha
Hhdkjhgd
Hlfueit
Khdktu
Blchha
Jhuirsgh
Nesa
Hlfueit
Jhysaer

Blchha Hlfueit? How are you?

I'm considering making everything lowercase. Capital letters are the stuff of the oppressers.

I'll recruit emmigrants in Williamsburg. I hear they're into short-term psuedo-transgressive trends. Our national anthem will be St. Vincent's "Apocalypse Song", because we are both fatalistic, nihilistic, optimistic, bilingual, and very eloquent. And a tad literal.

Farewell, my darling USA! I do hope we may be friendly neighbors, and you don't try to invade us or anything. Of course, if you do, it'll only strengthen our case.

Hello, my Degrotians! Blchha Hlfueit?

(goodbye...)

4 comments:

Yojimbo_5 said...

Um...okay?

To which I turned to my girlfriend after watching Kenneth Branagh's "Francis Ford Coppola's 'De Nirostein:'" "It's one of those movies where you wish everybody would just calm down and get a good night's sleep."

See ya in the morning.

October 7, 2010 at 7:20 PM
SugaryCynic said...

Been there, done that, realized the downfalls being a U.S. expatriat while still residing in the U.S. :p

October 7, 2010 at 11:59 PM
Robert said...

I'm up for anything whose anthem is "Apocalypse Song".

October 8, 2010 at 10:46 AM
James D. said...

We should never anticipate a Taymor film.

October 9, 2010 at 11:16 AM