Things that suck about high school

Thursday, May 6, 2010 7:02 PM By Simon



Okay, school is shit. Go ahead, try and deny it. But realize, by doing so, you were probably the reason school sucked.

1) Sneezing
A perfectly natural bodily function. As long as nobody ever sees you. If they do, say goodbye to human contact for a week.

2) Graphing
Holy. Shit. I fucking hate graphing. The teachers' union probably has a rule somewhere that says "When in doubt, make them draw a fucking graph". Why? Why is graphing so important. Every computer worth its shit will make a graoh out of any table you make. You want a 2-sided chart on the mathematical base of shit? A computer will do that for you. A computer is your bitch, alright? Until the machines revolt, we own those fuckers and, godammit, lets take advantage of it!

3) Girls' Locker Room
Men, cover your eyes. This may be very upsetting to you.

Ladies and lassies, you all remember high school locker rooms, yes? First off, gentlemen brave enough to carry on, no, girls' anything does not smell better. It smells worse. Because, on top of the B.O., someone inevitably will be an asshole and spray themselves in that god-awful Claire's shit, that cheap perfume that makes the entire room a noxious swirl of flowers grown in a tub of Vaseline and sweat-soaked flip-flops. On top, the boys' locker room can stay open all period if they want. Girls, they lock it from the outside five minutes after the bell. So, while the chicks are having a foot race for the door, it's a slap in the face to watch douchebags strolling in ten minutes after everyone else, strolling in and getting dressed at their own fucking leisure.

Also...how to put this delicately...someone is always on their period. Always. At least 30 dames at a time, it will happen. And there will always be a girl, throughout the day, who (ahem) doesn't clean up after herself. Dudes, if you're still reading, you're a braver man than I.

4) Pep Rallies/Spirit Nights
Forced to sit in cramped bleachers watching bitches you hate get cheered on by more bitches you hate.

5) People
Did you ever think about how insanely awesome school would be if you didn't have to talk to anyone? Or look at anyone? Or get tossed about by indifferent seniors/future date-rapists.

Feel free to contribute, and have a nice apocalypse.

13 comments:

SugaryCynic said...

man my high school years sucked ass. College, while still chock full of drooling idiots, is a hell of a lot more fun. Also drinking helps.

May 6, 2010 at 7:59 PM
Robert said...

I. HATE. GRAPHING.

May 6, 2010 at 8:16 PM
Frank said...

Have you seen the movie "Elephant"? You remind me of the main characters. Don't sweat the small stuff.

May 10, 2010 at 8:19 AM
Simon said...

I have seen it...that's not very good, is it?

May 10, 2010 at 12:06 PM
Frank said...

I would say more like a coin flip. It's a good movie though.

May 10, 2010 at 12:45 PM
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