These be films I won't dignify with a poster.
The Back-Up Plan
Hey, guys. Remember that time way back when Jennifer Lopez was an actress, not a celebrity, and people liked her? Well, now we can like her again! As a woman who meets the man of her dreams the day she GETS INSEMINATED WITH A FUCKING CHILD! HOW FUCKING WACKY! Oh, and the guy is from Moonlight. Make of that what you will.
It just looks so...awful. Not even pass-the-time-with-some-stupid-PG-ness enjoyable-bad, just bad. Brendan Fraser used to be cool, back in the day. Now, what the fuck's up?
Why Did I Get Married Too?
You know times are troubled when we let Tyler Perry do sequels.
Death at a Funeral
Okay, let me get this perfectly clear. They're remaking an English language movie from three years ago. Why? Who fucking cares.
Did I ask for Russell Crow in tights? No.
Get Him To The Greek
I can't tell if it's a sequel, a spinoff, a vehicle, or what, but it bores me to tears.
Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time
Jake Gyllenhaal? Awesome. Bloated action psuedo-epics with more kinda-British accents and strategically placed loinclothes than an Egyptian-themed gay bar? Fuck you.
Okay, the premise could've been good. But, listen to me: Ashton Kutcher and Katherine Heigl trying to out-douche each other is not my cup of tea, no it's not.
Oh, yay. CGI dogs making dog-related puns and doing vaguely dog-related things, dance numbers, that sort of thing.
Sex and the City 2
Fuck yourself, Parker.
I don't get you, Bradley Cooper. Also, generic looking action flicks that try to seem like more through legacy alone will not fly.
The Karate Kid
aka What I Did On Summer Vacation, by Jaden Smith.
How is it possible that this group of not-funny-at-all fucktard SNL rejects get to be in movies? How!?!
Knight & Day
Sure, I'll see you, Cameron Diaz. In hell.
The Sorcerer's Apprentice
Look, Angelina Jolie. I do not buy you as anything other than Angelina Jolie. It's not going to happen.
Step Up 3-D
Eat, Pray, Love
What pretty rich people say speaks to them.