The Graves

Thursday, April 1, 2010 2:49 PM By Simon

"Two inseparable sister's visit to a remote mine town turns into a mind-bending fight for survival against menaces both human and supernatural."

See, I'm not very experienced in the art of horror flick reviewing. I just don't have the appreciation for campy B-level slashers, or gory thrillers, or 80s hair metal soundtracks, that other bloggers do. That being said, I didn't like this movie.

We open with a family, husband, wife, baby, going into a tourist attraction, Skull City, former mining town, thought to be haunted. We then cut to just the husband, bloody, crying, and running. You'll be seeing a lot of that here. Especially running. He quickly gets chopped by a husky serial killer (Shane Stevens) who insists he doesn't like what he does, but it has to be done.

Then, in painful first-person, we meet two Arizona sisters, Megan (Clare Grant) and Abby (Jillian Murray) Graves, comic-book loving (the opening peddles several of the director's, Brian Pulido, comic books), death-metal obsessed girls close as can be. Megan is soon leaving for a job in New York City, and as a last hurray, our feisty heroines decide to road trip it down to rural Arizona. There, they end up at a roadside diner, where they meet Reverend Abraham (Tony Todd), insane leader of The Church of Devout Ascension, his captive Becka (Patti Tindell), and seemingly friendly waitress Darlene (Amanda Weiss), who directs them to must-see Skull City.

Filled with contrived dialogue from our Noble Heroines, who, admittedly, are kind of badass, especially Megan, when they're not talking. We get lots and lots of running in the desert, futile, of course. Lots of decent gore, with some bad CGI. Mostly, the shit was groan-inducing, with the exception or Bill Moseley as a gloriously campy slasher in the vein of his character in Repo! The Genetic Opera.

One thing I can't buy about horror flicks is their incessant use of bad logic as a plot device. I find it hard to feel scared or bad for the main characters if they don't even know what direction to run in. Not that our villains have any better judgement.

Also, when people die, their screaming spirits get dragged out, leaving the corpses with Leatherface(s). So, yeah.

It's a fun movie if you like screaming insults at the screen. Yay.