Pre-Thoughts on Toy Story 3: A Rant

Saturday, June 19, 2010 10:38 AM By Simon

(yes, this film is so epic it requires mental preparation. Deal with it)

Story of yesterdays: I tell my Parent that I want to see Toy Story 3 this weekend. I mean it, too. I'm psyched-the-fuck-out about it. It's one of my most anticipated movies.

Parent, however, crinkles Their nose in that way Parents do. Parent says: "Aren't you too old for that?"

No, sir. I am not.

I am that movie's audience, okay? I was its original audience. I saw it in the theatre opening weekend, the very first one, when I was but a wee lass. I fucking loved it. Then the second one came out. I was having a minor mental breakdown from the awesome of the second one. My slightly-retarded ten-something-year-old-self almost couldn't handle it. How do you expect today's youngins' to?

Let me explain. Me and my generation of disaffected youths, we've earned our right to this third Toy Story. We waited eleven years. Longer than most of the brats it's considered proper to bring have been alive!

We can fully appreciate the characters, the animation, the brilliant score and animation. We know who Tom Hanks is, and if he ever screams "YOU ARE A TOYYYYYYYY-EEEEE!", we will get it and we will laugh louder and more enthusiastically than anyone else. We will cry inside when Bo-Peep and Wheezy are callously tossed aside for lack of voice. Our hearts will sing when Barbie falls in love, because she deserves happiness, damn you!

We all know and love Woody and Buzz and Jessie and Mr. Potato Head and the whole freaking gang, something your little five-year-olds don't even begin to understand. They will be content with Cars, for chrissakes! I'm not too old, sir. They are too young.

That is all.


Melanie's Randomness said...

Awesome! Pure awesomeness is this post! I agree. I definitely will be seeing this movie. It's kinda funny too because I realized how much older I got because Andy is going to College now. The Toy story boy is in college!!! I think its awesome how they are incorporating the more modern toys in it too & the "Ebay" reference in the trailer. hehe. I can't wait! =)

June 19, 2010 at 11:03 AM
Dannie said...

Sing it, sister.

June 19, 2010 at 11:03 AM
Yojimbo_5 said...

I was going to chastise you for ranting about "Toy Story 3" before actually see ing it. This was, of course, before I actually read it. Shame on Me. You're rubber, I'm glue.

"Toy Story 3" will rock your world. It will take you to Hell and back, and make you laugh all the way. I didn't cry during "3," but you might, and I cried writing my review, as my analysis of it took me places I didn't expect, with a certainty that the cretors meant it that way. I know you'll hate me saying this, but it ends on such a sublime note, a continuation will undermine it (though that's never stopped Hollywood before). I hope you have a really good time at the movies!!

June 19, 2010 at 11:21 AM
Fitz said...

We are the audience for this film. I can appreciate little kid's excitement but this film came out when we were children and Andy has aged along with us. If it isn't for us I don't know what is.

June 19, 2010 at 11:24 AM
SugaryCynic said...

that was wonderful :D my brother was explainging the same thing to my dad, about how we grew up with these movies and dammit, this one wasn't made for the munchkins of today but for us!

June 19, 2010 at 12:40 PM
Yojimbo_5 said...

Well, maybe it was the Milk Duds, but the cherubs who were in the audience I saw it with were bouncing to their cars, as I was leaving the theater. They were quite happy with it.

June 19, 2010 at 12:57 PM
Kallie said...

Hell YES! This movie is for us and I am so stoked to see it!

June 19, 2010 at 9:18 PM